The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 406: A Gift from the Past

The frozen tundra was immaculate, nothing more than an unending stretch of pure snow white. Amid this vastness stood a colossal snowy mountain that pierced the clouds, a place where even breathing was difficult. It was a forbidden zone that lacked both color and life, a location with nothing else, but it was there I learned how to let go of myself.

No, I wasn’t talking about something as glorious as emptying my mind in meditation. I was talking about abandonment and self-exile. Within that land of snow, where it was nigh impossible to tell the earth and sky apart, I abandoned myself. I left myself, sending my soul through tribulations, surrounded by this frigid, hostile climate. I dreamed, but at the same time, I was at the border of death.

“…Why is this world so harsh? I just want to live a good life—is that too much to ask? Why is it so difficult to just live life? Why do brave warriors who sacrifice everything still lose their families and homes and even have their names tarnished after death? Are there really no fairy tales in real life? Are all good people supposed to go to Hell? Is all of this my fault, my guilt? If I’m the one in the wrong, why not punish me alone? Why do so many good people have to enter Hell together with me?”

Past memories flashed repeatedly in my mind. Faces I missed, felt regret towards or apologetic to wouldn’t let me go. Vicious slander wouldn’t leave my ears.

“It’s all your fault. If it wasn’t for an arrogant, ridiculous transmigrator like you, how would our country possibly perish?”

“The Twin Stars of Misfortune? No—no—no—the only misfortune is you, the outsider who took over our prince’s body. It’s all your fault, you jinxer! You caused our people to be slaughtered!”

“It’s all your fault! Why are you the only person who survived? Why aren’t you coming down to Hell to join us…?”

The faces, which had been warm and friendly in the past, were twisted ugly by hatred and anger. They would appear in my dreams, their intimate greetings now curses and vile words, left for me before I woke up every morning.

“That’s right! Why am I still alive? Gods, why am I the only one still alive! I want to die! Let me die!”

It’s unknown how I managed to make it through those nightmarish days. I had no clear concept of memory and time. If I looked back on the past now, I would see memories in tatters. All I could remember was the snow white and coldness.

It was possible I didn’t even make it through. Perhaps I had sunk into utter insanity. Maybe my mere bit of good luck and coincidence helped pull me back from endless madness.

Maybe I was half-sane and half-insane. When I was insane, I would curse the unfairness of the world. When I was sane, I would curse my weakness and helplessness. Reality and dreams blended together in a confusion concoction, somehow combining my logical thinking and distorted insanity. Perhaps this was the most logical explanation for why my memories from that time were in such shreds.

But no matter what, I made it past all that. I managed to regain my sanity despite being at the brink. My restored logic and reason told me that all these people trusted me and adamantly protected my flag even while dying. How could they possibly regret believing in me and my choices?

“A knight’s heart is like an iron castle, pure and untainted. I actually felt that they’d regret following me? That’s the greatest possible insult to them. I truly am unqualified to be a ruler. Even now, I’m still doubting loyalty and trust…”

Even though I regained my sanity, I chose to live alone in that icy location. I faced myself and my true feelings amid the calm and the peace, slowly putting my soul and memories through tribulations, considering my past failures over fiery passionate nights.

“If only I could have schemed better, been more sly, been more shameless, been more vicious… perhaps I wouldn’t have failed…”

I was someone who used to love lively crowds, but I slowly fell in love with the icy, cold quiet in that swathe of snow. That was because I learned that when at a brink, passionate emotions and glorious causes became meaningless. Only with calm and swift thinking under pressure could one save oneself. I desired to freeze my emotions there.

“If a wish of mine could come true, I’d wish to leave behind my anger in this mountain. I shall never lose control of myself that way. I shall never make decisions in a fit of anger and regret them for the rest of my life. What passion? What anger? They’re meaningless. Acting like a hot-blooded youth will bring me nothing but pain and misery. I spit upon anger, I curse being passionate. I wish to become a cold observer; forever steadfast, immovable, aloof.”

Thenceforth I had no real anger. Instead, two soul shards appeared on my neck; they were my anger and passion. I became a solitary traveler on that icy mountain; a lone treader amidst the ice. I etched the scene onto my very soul, entering the realm of Legends yet again and establishing a foundation to reach the peak of power.

Perhaps I truly did accomplish what I had desired, becoming someone who could watch the arrival of Armageddon coldly and dispassionately, forever making rational decisions with utter calmness. Or perhaps I was someone insane, who crippled himself by cutting off his own soul shards, a crazy person who only believed that he had calmed down.

But no matter what, I didn’t regret it. That was my past. Those were decisions I made for myself. This guilt was something I needed to bear forever…

“I shall never regret—”

A powerful light flashed through my eyes as tears—real tears—streamed down my cheeks. My pillowside was drenched wet.

“It’s this dream again?”

I gazed out the window and saw a sun and moon hanging high in the sky of the Dragon World. From their positions, it was dawn.

“Do you often have this dream?”

A golden-haired young elf was perched atop my pillow. Her silky, shiny hair covered the entire bed, and the indentations on the bed showed that she had used the laps of her white, tender legs as a pillow for me.

Her tone—ever sarcastic and arrogant—was a rare one of worry and care, while her red little face was tinged with a shy blush.

I shook my head, shaking away such useless emotions, flicking away the liquid of weakness on my face to the corner. With a shake of my head I opened my eyes, and the energetic and youthful Roland returned!

“No, as they’re things I’ve already forgotten. But for some reason I keep having this dream this week… By the way, who are you supposed to be? How did you get in? Are you trying to ruin my reputation? I’ve already said that I’m not a lolicon—I’m a magnificent maid lover!”

Alright then. The worry on her little face instantly transformed into anger. She ground her teeth and pounced on me…

“Don’t bite me! Ah! This feeling? You’re Harloys? Ehh—aren’t you supposed to be a cat?”

This was best evidence of the fact that when a person wakes up, their mind will be foggy and their memories unclear. However, not recognizing certain people at critical times could prove to be a very fatal mistake…

“Ohhh—now I remember! I’m so sorry, Harloys! I was in a bit of a daze after just waking up. Stop biting me! I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding, I’m really bleeding!”

I finally managed to remove the fake loli from my head, but this was only after promising her many things. I then put some medicine on my head.

“…These memory dreams means your soul is telling you to hurry and recreate your Soul Imprint.”

That was Harloys’s confident conclusion when I asked her the meaning of my dream.

“That’s probably true. Those memories are from when I was creating my Ice Treader Soul Imprint. Such a pity—I probably had a grand death in that life because, out of all my lives, I lost the most memories from that one. Anyhow, does this mean I’ll have such dreams when creating my Soul Imprint? I don’t think such a thing has happened to me before in the past.”

“Of course, you idiot. Before, you were creating brand-new Soul Imprints. A Soul Imprint is an accumulation of one’s life experiences, but now you’re restoring a past Soul Imprint. You’ll need to face your past self, including your past tragedies.”

“My past self? I really do have such a tragic past. No wonder I forgot about it… Wait a moment, how did you know that they were past tragic memories? You dared to peek at my dreams!? You used magic to spy on my dreams?!”

“…Heehee! You should know that cats are curious creatures.”

The next moment, the golden-haired loli transformed into her silly cat form and even pretended to act cute by licking her paw. Harloys was becoming more skilled every day at fooling others by acting cute.

However, I squeezed out a comment through my teeth.

“Cats are curious creatures? Yes, I should teach you the saying: ‘curiosity killed the cat!\'”

Although we had been in the Dragon World for less than a month, many of our warriors had made breakthroughs. Many of them had been at bottlenecks with their power levels, so they naturally broke through after staying for a while in this high Elemental Tide environment.

These breakthroughs couldn’t be underestimated. In the human world, ordinary humans working hard for their entire lives, even with excellent teachers and resources, could only reach the peak of Silver. That was why those at the Gold rank would be revered and addressed as grandmasters.

If all these humans stuck at the obstacle of Silver to Gold entered Gold so easily, transforming their bottlenecks into true strength, their overall combat strength would soar by more than three times.

From the rank of Gold to Legend was more of an understanding and accumulation of one’s life experiences. While there were preset paths to Gold, everyone would have to find their own to Legend. Many would work hard for their entire lives but fail to reach this rank, missing only a tiny bit.

However, there were some with sufficient self-understanding to reach Legend but were unable to progress in power level due to injuries, elderly age or stress. Actually, this was fairly common. Human lives were short. Young people were energetic and didn’t know what worry was. It was far more common that only when people were old and on the verge of death or suffered a huge setback that they’d have a better self-understanding of themselves capable of allowing them to progress to Legend. But it would be too late as their body would no longer be capable of handling the burden.

Yet these older and injured mercenaries and warriors mysteriously found their injuries recovering and lifespans lengthening in this high Elemental Tide environment, allowing them to pass this obstacle.

Simply living in this environment allowed the younger warriors to receive tremendous benefits and the older warriors to restart their progress. Naturally, they became even more confident in my cause.

Of course, in a few more decades, everyone in the mortal plane’s world would be enjoying a high Elemental Tide. Our enemies would become even more difficult to deal with.

However, as everyone celebrated their power level improvements, I was actually the one who benefited the most.

The seven-day soul summoning spell had finished. The tremendous effort required meant that I fell asleep instantly right afterwards. It also forcefully raised my magic power level to the Legend rank. As for the issue of creating a Soul Imprint, which could make other people spend a lifetime, it was never an issue for me. In fact, my soul was forcing me to recreate my Soul Imprint as soon as possible, forcing me to face myself.

“How difficult. Although I need to reach Legend and then Saint rank as part of my ‘grand scheme,’ I really don’t want to have this dream again.”

“Then you can try recreating some of the other Soul Imprints first. But none of them have any pleasant dreams for you.”

My expression instantly became rather strange as I thought about what memories my other Soul Imprints represented. Then, I viciously glared at the innocent-seeming silly cat.

“You—you—you snuck looks at my other dreams? How else would you know that they’re all unpleasant?”

“Hmph! Do I even need to peek? Isn’t your entire life a tragedy? Since it’s obviously just a tragedy, there won’t be any comedy.”

“Comedy? Of course there’ll be comedy! The ‘silly cat’s hilarious making a fool of herself comedy’—Schrodinger’s Cat, with excellent reviews! Guess whether this cat is dead or alive!” [1] ¹

Note:

[1] ED/N: Schrödinger’s cat is a famous thought experiment! I wasn’t expecting it here—ELCL never fails to surprise me.