The Decade of Deep Love

It was just bright when Zhishu He woke up. Ziyu Ai sat next to him, looking very exhausted but as soon as he saw him wake up, he became cheerful.

“You wake up?” Ziyu Ai stood up, felt Zhushu’s forehead, “Still hot. I know you feel bad.” A doctor just came over for his infusion. Ziyu Ai thought it was too cold so he insisted on having it warmed. The doctor hadn’t come back yet.

Zhishu He opened up his mouth as he looked at him, but grunted. He frowned and tried hard to wrinkle his fingers.

Ziyu Ai hurried to hold his hand. “Don’t worry,” He could tell Zhishu had something to say to him so he bent over, “I’m listening.”

Zhishu He smiled, his hoarse voice was so light that could hardly be heard but explicitly conveyed the joy. “I dreamed of my parents... I haven’t seen them in ages, I thought... Ahem, I thought they didn’t want me anymore...”

Ziyu Ai looked straight into his eyes, his brown pupils filled with care and love. “You are such a sweet son to them, they wouldn’t.”

Zhishu He smiled again. He hadn’t smiled so frequently in many years. He did smile a lot when he was still a carefree student in school.

Ziyu stroked his hair. “Come on, when shall we go to Yangzhou?”

Zhishu’s sunshiny smile somehow tried to be endearing. It was so heartening that the ward didn’t felt cold and depressing anymore. “I thought I was going to beg you for quite long.”

“Not many people spoil you like I do, right?” Ziyu Ai kissed his cheek, trying to conceal his despair with his tease.

He knew how severe Zhishu’s condition was. He was terrified himself. There were only two options: one, to watch him suffer in the sterile ward for the rest of his days; two, to have him carry on living at his side happily. Ziyu chose option two.

He did have many things to say to him. He wanted to tell him how luxuriant and fragrant April jasmines would be but it was now winter. But four months later, they would be available.

Ziyu Ai had also been waiting for Zhishu’s birthday, which was less than a month. He had designed a ring. It was like a weighted twig with tiny diamonds at the tip of it.

But looking at Zhishu’s face, he kept sniffling instead of saying a word.

‘How come one person could be so in love with another person who is the only one that glows among thousands of souls? If someone you don’t care dies next to you, you at most give a couple of more sighs. But when someone you truly love is in sickbed with teary poor eyes, you feel so painful inside.’

Ziyu Ai didn’t understand. This man was the only one he ever loved despite he would cost the rest of his life.

“How about we leave today? We gotta go home and get the dog and cats though.” Zhishu had a cold. Every sentence he said, he coughed.

Ziyu Ai pinched his finger, said in a mild tone, “Wait until you finish the rest two bottles of infusions. We spent money on that.”

Zhishu He didn’t want to stay in the hospital but didn’t want to throw cold water on his kindness.

Next second, a slender finger poked lightly his cheek. Zhishu He froze, he heard Ziyu’s helpless voice saying, “No dimples whether you smile or twitch your mouth.” His face emaciated so fast, and the dimples were gone long time ago.

“I don’t want them anyway. Why does a man need dimples? I don’t want to be sweet.” He smiled.

Ziyu Ai didn’t reply because the doctor just came in to change his infusion bottle.

“Thank you.” Ziyu Ai looked at the warmed bottle, impressed by his sincerity. He was also a doctor, so he knew how busy this line of work was. If it wasn’t for Zhishu He, he would not want to trouble any medical workers.

“It’s fine. We are both doctors.” The doctor smiled and walked away. As he left, he looked sympathetically at Zhishu He and before he walked out of the door, his eyes were fixated on Ziyu Ai. Ziyu felt the cold touch of the eyes was so difficult to be ignored.

Afternoon, Ziyu took Zhishu out of the hospital. He bought him a cup of soybean milk outside the building. “You had nothing yesterday. Empty stomach courts more discomfort.” Street food wasn’t the best, in Ziyu Ai’s mind, he was picturing the fully equipped apartment in Yangzhou where he could make fresh soybean milk for Zhishu.

Since he was with Zhishu, Ziyu had more and more snacks in his car, mostly Chinese dates or Ejiao (donkey-hide gelatin) or whatnot. Zhishu teased him, “If someone else is in your car, they may think of you a super girlfriend-carer.”

Ziyu Ai laughed, “Don’t I care you enough?” His last syllables still sounded cheeky.

Zhishu He wasn’t feeling well and he knew he wouldn’t win the debate so he just sat there coughing instead of giving a response.

Suddenly, he had intense coughs that even shocked himself. He turned back to get a tissue at the backseat and spit blood on it.

Ziyu Ai’s face turned undecipherable.

“Oral hemorrhage,” Zhishu He wadded up the tissue and stuffed it into his pocket, “It’s fine. I would puke blood covering the floor before. But here I am, still alive and well.”

‘Silly, are you... well?’

“Yeah, whatever you say is right,” Ziyu Ai’s cheerful tone indulged Zhishu but he couldn’t even bear to look at him, “I’ll cook you some livers to enrich your blood then.”

Human memory is powerful. Reflexes came in at the wrong time. Reminiscence caught Zhishu He totally off guard.

There once was a man walking out with a long face after their fight. When he came back, he had cooked livers in his hand, which he said were the replenishment of blood for Zhishu’s nosebleed.

Memory and reflexes overpower love.