Crown of Thorns

All of a sudden, my senses returned. When I opened my sleepy eyes, I could feel the moonlight creeping in. I kept blinking for a long time.

I had to pull myself together. I was talking to Evan, and then I fell asleep. It’s been a long time since I’ve had this kind of peaceful slumber, so I felt as if both my body and mind were relaxed.

Evan? Turning my head to my side, I found no one. I was trying to get up, wondering where he had gone at this time, but something flopped down. When I looked down, I could see Evan’s sleeping blanket.

Two small feet were seen in front of it. Slowly raising my eyes, I saw feet, and then legs, surrounded by two arms. Then his neck and face, red eyes and soft white hair.

“You woke up?”

I felt somewhat awkward and was looking for words to say in answer, but then Evan continued on.

“You can sleep more. You look tired.”

I look tired? Come to think of it; I don’t remember sleeping comfortably ever since Evan entered the tower. The witch’s tower, where there was no day and night, had a flow of time, making it difficult for me to sleep whenever I wanted.

Evan’s normal lifestyle forced me to follow his pace and movement. Unlike before, when I used to lie down and spend most of my time sleeping, I had to stay awake and keep active, which became a little hard for me.

It was true that I didn’t get that tired even if I didn’t sleep, but I wasn’t exactly used to it.

Evan still crouched, wrapped his knees in both arms, and stared at me. I could see the moonlight seeping in from behind. For Evan, even the moon seemed to bless him.

Moonlight scattered about the tower. His face had become almost transparent with the white glow, and only his unusual red-glazed eyes were vividly visible.

“Does it hurt?”

I couldn’t understand what he meant, so I looked at him. Evan stretched out his trembling hand, it was such a careful and delicate touch, just like that time he first touched the storybook that I couldn’t even think of dodging it.

Evan’s hand eventually swept down my cheek.

As if the blessing of light given to Evan had passed on to me, I could feel the warmth and itching through my cheeks. I raised my hand and touched the face Evan is stroking. I felt a bumpy scar. Oh, this is what he meant?

He’s been interested in my scars before, but it was in the dark. My face must look even more horrible in a bright place. It was better covered with dried up blood.

Evan had his back against the moonlight, but I was receiving bits of light scattering from behind him. My scars were probably easy to see, but I don’t want him to see them. This would also be greed. It was only a meaningless desire not to show my ugly looks to the warrior.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

It was a wound that had healed a long time ago. Now, it was just a scar. It can’t hurt, but Evan frowned. His red irises were filled with pain. I can’t understand why he’s hurt after seeing it. He reacted the same before. He keeps proving that he’s a weak and tender boy.

The difference was that he had only sympathised with the pain at the time. But now, he is angry.

“How could they have done this?”

I don’t know who he’s asking. He seemed to be talking to the world rather than me. He seemed angry at the world for making the witch like this. I reached out again and grabbed Evan’s hand, patting my wound. He’s grown a lot since I first saw him. He was still a young boy, though. It had to be a long time before he’d become a young man.

But my eyes kept seeing the young man who exists only in my memory. The young man, who touched the wound on my neck and asked if it hurt, was heartbroken when he heard that humans had made it like that.

“It’s all right.”

I finally uttered what I couldn’t say at that time. I was using the boy in front of me as a substitute. To hear the words that I couldn’t tell the young man who was worried and sad for me.

Yeah, this was enough. I was just happy to be able to meet the boy again and stay beside him. My past wounds were comforted by the sight of the red eyes and white hair that I had missed and thought I would never see again.

The warm facial expressions, the diverse emotions, and the ever brighter light warmed my heart.

Evan’s existence itself was a blessing to me.

I’m happy by the sole fact of his existence and appreciated it, as if like a blessing. I used to think that he was another curse handed down to me, but not anymore. I think that he was a gift sent for me to enjoy my last moments of life, my last breaths, and to close my eyes with a smile on my face.

I can be happy because this is the last of it. There is an end, so I can have as much as I want. I can hope and enjoy to my heart’s content. All because I could die first. Now that I can see the end.

“I’ll quickly build up my strength…”

Evan spoke to himself, closed his mouth, and continued again.

“Don’t you want revenge against the people who made you hurt like this? Don’t you hate the world? They made Nyx hurt and ended up leaving you alone.”

“Whatever you do, do not try to get revenge. A broken plate cannot be mended and return to its original form. No, even if it is mended, the scars remain. Scars that may pale but do not fade away.”

“Still…”

“And sometimes, it’s more hellish to be alive than to die. You just have to wait and see. They will pay for their sins.”

Evan was staring down at the floor, with his chin on his knees in a pose that made it impossible to figure out what he was thinking. I suddenly remembered that I couldn’t even feed Evan dinner. I slept for quite a long time. I was about to get up and walk to prepare a meal.

I wondered, when had Evan woken up? Since when had he been like that? He didn’t wake me up, only crouched in front of me and looked at me. He looked at me? Why was he doing that?

But there was no room for asking him. It was because of Evan, who was holding my arm. Evan crouched down and stretched out his arms to grab my wrist. Evan’s small body tilted, his movement made me unable to take my eyes off the thin stretch of white hair. Evan’s hair was whiter in the moonlight.

Evan looked up at me and opened his mouth.

“Where are you going?”

“To prepare your meal.”

I barely answered and tried to walk again, but he didn’t let go of my wrist. I turned my sight to his red eyes, still staring at me. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t have a facial expression or if it’s hard to recognise since he had never shown many facial expressions before. What’s going on? What happened while I was sleeping?

Evan let go of my wrist and raised himself. Then, he came toward me. Perhaps because the inside of the tower is dark, Evan’s face is also blurred.

After finishing the meal, we sat face to face and lifted the book. But I couldn’t read anymore because Evan was taking my book away.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nyx.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to make me grow up and save the world just like in the stories you told me?”

He must have thought about them while I was asleep. He must’ve guessed my intentions after he heard the story of Pyeong-gang, who saved the world by teaching a fool. And the story of the witch, who intentionally helped the warrior.

But he doesn’t know; the real reason why the witch and Pyeong-gang did what they did. And what I could get from doing the same.

He can never know that killing me is the best thing he can do for me.

I nodded silently, hiding these facts.

“Because you have to be a warrior and save the world. You have to be the white snow that covers the dirt and sprouts new hope. Because you’re the sun that will save the people, that’s why I’m teaching you.”

“So if I do what you want, you’ll stay with me, right?”

“Yes.”

I think I know Evan’s mind somehow. Evan seemed anxious that I might disappear somewhere. Whenever I would go away for a while because I needed something, he would rush to ask where I was off to. There’s no telling whether it was because the people next to him have all died and left him alone, or because he worried that he would lose the fence of the witch.

On the contrary, I was the one worried that Evan would either get hurt or leave, but he would not know that either.

Evan shouldn’t have stayed here. And there was no way this could have continued. This was not where Evan could be happy. In order to turn Evan into a warrior and have him light up the world, he eventually had to leave the tower of the witch, and only then could he know true happiness. God’s gift should not be hidden within the witch’s arms.

I suddenly wanted to see the snow.

It occurred to me that the cold, beautiful and white snow was likely to calm the heart of the witch, who was being blackened by endless greed.

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