Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

I did not want to feel lonely after being around people. Why? Why was he causing me to waver when I had already gotten used to being alone?

I could not figure out how to answer.

I wondered if I looked sad. I did not know if sadness had contorted my face. The expression Amor had when he stared at me became strange so I must have looked like a mess.

‘I knew he wouldn’t believe me if I told him.’

Between the both long and short times we spent together, the small amount of affection that had grown between us suddenly made me want to tell him. I still thought that he would think my words were groundless and meaningless. But still.

“Yes. You’re right, brother.”

Would he understand me?

“I can see the future. Though I can only see the deaths of myself and the people around me. I have perhaps also gone through an uncountable number of deaths myself.”

“So what you’re saying is that it wasn’t a coincidence you came to look for me that night?”

“Yes.”

In <The Light of Rusbella>, Amor was Castor’s ally but was also a victim of his ruthless manipulation. He was an important supporting character that influenced the main story. I did not know how I would change the story if I were to enter his life. But there was one thing I believed in.

I wanted him to accept me.

“Are you going to tell the Crown Prince?”

When I saw his expression change unintentionally, I averted my gaze.

“I don’t plan on telling my brother. I was just curious.”

I let out a big smile. Even if I were to die today and repeat this all over again, I would have no regrets. I did not know how great it felt to receive his answer even though it took two years.

I looked at him.

In the hands of the Emperor and numerous other powerful individuals, he was destroyed and rebuilt after countless betrayals. Though he had closed the door to his heart now, the 4th Prince would be known to be the sweetest Prince in the future. A long time ago, the Prince had been abandoned in this desolate palace and began living like a puppet.

Just like Amor, I was being swayed by the diary.

Amor would have done the same thing I did.

What would Amor think if he were to be stuck regressing in time loops?

“You don’t seem too surprised.”

I had felt lonely for a long time in the time loops so I thought perhaps I would be lonely in the future as well. So, I would not be disappointed if he were to forget what happened today. I looked at Amor before speaking languidly.

“You have a pretty bad personality, brother.”

After I spoke half-jokingly, he looked down at me coldly.

“Even worse than the 6th Prince who only knows how to curse?”

“Of course. Also, it’s just my opinion. So even if you suddenly decide to help me, it is not enough to surprise me. I will still not be surprised if you were to take back your words tomorrow.”

“I already told you I won’t.”

He held my hand and poked my forehead.

“… It’s strange. Why did you suddenly change your mind? You still doubt me, don’t you? You don’t believe me and you don’t look very sorry for me either.”

“I don’t know.”

He shook his head gently. I lowered my gaze.

“In the end, you don’t tell me anything and confuse me. If you take back your words, then you seriously are a bad person.”

Instead of replying immediately, Amor smirked.

“I don’t think that will happen.”

In the silence, a gust of wind blew.

“I too… don’t know why I’m doing this. But many things will change.”

As if it had been painted by pastel watercolours, under the heat of the sun, his hair looked sky blue.

“Now, I will look over you and protect you.”

“Sure.”

“You won’t die.”

He rebutted the words I was about to say.

“Because I don’t think living hurts more than dying.”

I slowly blinked my eyes and wondered if it was possible. This was not like him at all. I held my breath for a moment. Both hot and sweet words were being poured into my throat.

After going through so many time loops, whenever I came across something I had previously thought impossible, my chest would feel as heavy as stone out of confusion. And when the stone began to roll, I would bring my hands to my eyes. It had become a habit. I had to press it down. It had not always been this way.

For all my shame, longing and sorrow,I would rub my eyes long enough for them to sting.

“… Well calculated.”

Even his cranky yet low voice that I often hear during the day remained the same. Something hot and turbulent though not as strong as a waterfall began to churn within me. It felt strange. This was strange.

Even though I was rubbing them, my tears were not falling.

***

The sun sank beneath the horizon, turning the white outline red. The fading rays of the sunset also permeated through the windows in Terena Palace. The guest who visited the Palace looked out the window as his hair that was as white as pure marble shone brilliantly under the setting sun.

“Are you leaving?”

“Not yet.”

The tea had cooled before he knew it but no maid came to change it. An hour ago, the Duke sent Hannah, the only maid who managed to hold out till then, out.

In front of the door to the drawing room, the maids huddled together as they held their breath and waited for the cherished Duke to leave.

‘Is she not coming…’

He walked towards the balcony. Since it was early evening, the stars have already embroidered into the sky behind the red sunset. As he stared at the dark-dyed sky, he realised that it was time to go. He extended his hand beyond the railing.

Flutter.

A white bird that had been resting on the teapot came to sit on his finger. The bird let out a long and clear cry. As the bird continued to descend, its feathers got darker. However, the bird’s eyes that were the colour of a lake’s did not fade even under the sunset.

Chirp.

“… Yeah. It’s a shame to return now but I won’t fall.”

Hernan then sat on the railing as he stared off into a distance.

‘Where is she?’

He had waited for a long time but it seemed that she was going to take longer. As in, at the very least, she would not return now.

‘The Forbidden Forest is only more dangerous at night.’

Hernandez got up and let the bird fly away before taking a few steps towards the door.

“… What a shame.”

He looked down at the bouquet in his hands. He managed to find some flowers that fit today the best. Unfortunately, he would not be able to see her hold it. Without regrets, Hernandez walked away.

“Hurry and see His Grace off!”

“Yes!”

The maids rushed out to send the cherished man off.

In the middle of the empty room laid a bouquet filled with flowers with a close resemblance to a certain someone’s eyes.

***

I turned 17.

I had just become an adult but there had been no earth shattering change. In my previous life, as soon as I turned 20, I taped my ID onto my forehead. For the first time in my life, I was crazy enough to attempt to buy alcohol at a convenience store but I ended up spending it quietly here.

‘First, I’ll have to go through my coming-of-age ceremony to be recognised as an adult.’

This body that had suffered through my survival and time loops did not look like an adult’s. Nothing much changed.

In addition, the Empire held a rest week during the last month of the year, Habermia. It was called ‘Saturnalia’ which commemorated the God of Agriculture, Saturnus, to celebrate the end of harvest season. Other than those working on essential tasks, everyone was on holiday this week.

Therefore, on the day I became an adult, I only saw my brothers and my maids. Still, because it was a holiday, Fleon and Dane visited my palace more often and stayed longer.

However, Dane rarely visited these days. Of course, he did come quite often but it was a lot less than normal. I drifted off into space thinking about this as I drank my tea. This was something that not only I noticed but Fleon as well.

“These days, I have no idea what that guy is thinking.”

The loud sound and the strong scent that was let out as the heavy doors of this sacred place closed gently surrounded us. It was the smell of burning herbs.

“Are you talking about Dane?”

“Yeah, he rarely responds when you talk to him as if his mind had decided to accompany Jupiter in the skies.”

“… That’s true.”

Ahem. Our conversation was interrupted by the coughs of a templar. The only people that could enter the Central Palace were high-ranking officials or other people of similar or higher statuses. So the only people in this Sacred Place was me, Fleon and a templar who had come out to greet us.

The centre of the hall had been adorned in tapestries with congratulatory messages from the temple. There was also a comfortable scent wafting in. The scent came from the source of the blessing, the templar himself. His powers were not strong enough to take on a competent templar but it had healing properties.

It was said that the templars here specialised in blessings and prayers rather than battles.

Templars were not only physically superior to an average person but they were also talented in many other ways.

“We greet the 8th Branch who is accompanied by the first ring of the bell of Saturnus, the 6th Branch of Amadema (The tiny crown) and the Blessing of Vulcanus.”

Saturnus. The God of Abundance and a sub-god of Tellus, the God of Earth and Plants. If Telus was the 4th out of the 24 in terms of power, Saturnus would be about 18th. The Imperial Family and the Templar of Saturnus would stay in the temple on every Satunalia to pray for blessings. Fleon and I were already late.

Soon, we each handed a fresh flower and fruit to the priest. They were the most abundant crops of the year. After washing it in clean water thoroughly, we placed these crops on the altar which was in the shape of the hands of Jupiter to pray for abundance for the next year as well.

Surprisingly, the fruits we placed on the altar with the power of the templar soon shone like a jewel. It was evident that we carried it out safe and sound.

“Brother, we are not even that capable so why are the apples shining?”

“That? Because it’s not our doing, it’s all from the hands of the templar.”

Just outside the Sacred Place in which only templars could enter, maids and footmen were waiting in line. There were usually this many people because for them, it was a good opportunity. If they could enter the temple by the end of today, they had the chance of curing simple diseases.

“The Curules (Templars who are nobles) would be laughing at Dane and I, the powerless Imperial children. Never at the 2nd Prince though. Because he’s the grandson of the Consul.”

“Hm, I’d guess so too.”

“You don’t need to think about that.”

Fleon thought I had been looking at him so he pulled my hair and stuck to my side.

“It’s only because of him, me and that guy can stay here.”

His hand, that seemed to have grown from last year, patted my head roughly.

17. It had been 10 years since I was seven. My brother who became an adult just before I did was saying something reassuring and yet I did not know why I was so nervous.

Perhaps it was because his actions were deviating from his usual behaviour. Did he not fill a garden with flowers a year ago during a season with biting cold wind because I looked a little depressed? He should be grateful his maternal family had the blessing of Vulcanus allowing them to have a lot of money even though he was near obtaining any kind of power.

‘Who else would pay for all the things he buys?’

“Well, Fleon. Sorry to say but I still think staying still is the best.”

“What?”

“You know, because honestly, there’s nothing good going for you.”

“Even when I came with you today in case you would get lost?”

His eyebrows that were bending out of shape seemed rough but I answered him candidly because I had no reason to be scared of him.

T/N:

I might come back to change somethings because I changed my mind about somethings that are romanised or when I realise I made a mistake during one of the many exposition dumps in this chappie